Extreme Diagnosis

This blog entry is coming to you under fever-induced delirium so I hope the humor carries over.

Right now I’m suffering from terrible flu-like symptoms and after a day without any improvement, I decided to try to look online to see if I could figure out what might be wrong with me (I rarely get sick and even when I am I don’t let it slow me down…but this episode of illness is taking a toll).

I found an easy to use flow chart to diagnosis my symptoms and while the chart wasn’t much help, the end result was hilarious (**warning, dark humor ahead).

Observe:

1. Is the person an infant of child? NO.
2. Does your fever come and go and does your temperature stay between 97° and 102°? YES.
3. Have you had a fever for weeks along with tiredness and a sore throat? NO
4. Do you have a sore throat, a dry cough, tiredness, mild headaches or muscle aches? YES.
5. Do you have aches, chills, nausea, vomiting, cramps or watery diarrhea? YES.
6. Are you short of breath and do you have a cough that produces yellow, green or tan mucus? Not really...

Conclusion: You may have a serious infection, such as TUBERCULOSIS or AIDS.

Hmmm…perhaps a bit hasty on the emergency diagnosis…and speaks loudly of the dangers of uninformed self-diagnosis. But at least I got a big laugh out of the extreme ending.